Smoking is bad for you. You already know this. Therefore, I’m not even going to mention the usual suspects like cancer and emphysema. Why should I? You figure those things are too far off to worry about. You probably also figure you’ll get around to quitting before it reaches that point.

I’m here to suggest you get around to it now.

And I’m taking a different approach. I’m going to tell you why you should REALLY quit. And before I start, let me just say, I smoked for 13 years. I started on Newports at 12, switched to Kools in my late teens, and when I stopped I was smoking Benson & Hedges. I mention these to let you know I wasn’t tooling around with Marlboro lights or some other completely pointless cigarette.

I was smoking two packs a day and I quit cold turkey at 25. Though I sometimes miss it, I will never smoke again. And I’m going to give you 10 reasons you shouldn’t either.

1. You stink.

Yes, literally. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you smell funky, baby. But, you don’t know that, cos you’re so used to it you don’t smell it anymore. And I’m not just talking about your breath. Your hair, your clothes, your skin, your house – even if you don’t smoke in it – it all be stank. Have you ever read The Witches by Roald Dahl? The Witches want to rub out all the children on earth, cos, to witches, they have an unbearable stench.

Y’all smokers stink like that, whether you believe it or not. You smell so bad, that non-smokers remark on it when you go back to your cubicle. They wonder if you know. You don’t, of course – if you knew, you would have stopped by now.

2. You don’t look cool or sexy.

You used to – back in the day. Not anymore. Smoking is out. When people look at you now, they aren’t thinking you remind them of the Marlboro Man. They’re thinking you remind them of Leisure Suit Larry who still lives two decades in the past and refuses to update his life. The hip crowd doesn’t smoke anymore – put that cigarette down and come play with the cool kids.

3. You’re a 2nd class citizen.

All over America – and the EU – the laws are changing. You can’t smoke in theaters, you can’t smoke in restaurants, you can’t smoke in your office building, you can’t smoke at the bus stop, you can’t smoke within 30 feet of a public building, you can’t smoke on a plane, you can’t smoke in most of your friends homes.

Cos, see, it’s your business if you want to kill yourself – but it’s no longer ok to kill the rest of us with your second-hand smoke. And let’s not forget…. you stink. Which means you can’t be bringing that into a nice place that doesn’t stink. Are you mad as heck? So don’t take it anymore – quit and come back to first class.

4, You’re going to wrinkle twice as bad as Grandma did.

What’s that? You wear SPF 5000 and eat all the best veggies? Good for you. You’re still going to shrivel up and wrinkle like a prune. It’s part of smoking, sorry. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll just LOVE those big ole' grooves that are gonna highlight your mouth.

5. You’re going broke.

What’s it cost for a carton these days? One leg? Two? It’s insane how much Big Tobacco is making off of you. Do you really have nothing better to spend that kind of cash on? Food, maybe? Oh, that’s right, some of you don’t eat. You smoke, instead. Healthy.